Renunciation
by The Werewolf Mage
Summary: Companion to my oneshot Promise Me. Remus has gone off, which leaves Gen alone with their son. Sirius, James, and Lily, among others, offer to help her with Ciaran. How is she going to react when Remus gets back?
1. Chapter 1

Title: Renunciation

Summary: Companion to my one-shot Promise Me. Remus has gone off, which leaves Gen alone with their son. Sirius, James, and Lily, among others, offer to help her with Ciaran. How is she going to react when Remus gets back?

Notes: Yeah, a companion to a one-shot. But I think it'll wind up being totally cute. And the title, well, I couldn't think of one, so it kind of goes along with Gen's feelings. And of course my chapters will pick up.

Chapter 1

Gwendolyn Moore and Lily Evans, soon to be Lily Potter, were sitting in the living room of the small house Gwendolyn and Remus had bought shortly after the birth of their son.

And he was settled contently in Lily's arms.

"He's so sweet!" Lily sighed. "And he looks just like Remus."

Which was true. Ciaran had his father's sandy brown hair and brown eyes. Though, several people did argue he had his mother's nose.

"Yeah." Gen sighed sadly.

Lily gave her a sympathetic look. Gen had been feeling down since Remus left to help Dumbledore. She, James, and Sirius were the main ones to try to cheer her up and, so far, nothing had really worked.

Not even reminding her of the promise Remus had made of marrying her when he returned.

"Listen," Lily began softly, brushing a strand of red hair out of her eyes, "James and I would be far more than willing to help you with Ciaran. You can't do all this on your own."

"I can." Gen argued.

"No, you can't."

The two women turned around to find that James Potter and Sirius Black had Apparated into the living room. James came around the couch and sat down on Gen's other side. "So let us help."

Gen shook her head. "It's fine, James. I can handle him, he's no problem."

"You don't even want us to watch him for you so you can nap? I know you're not sleeping well."

Gen continued to shake her head. "No, I told you, I can handle him by myself."

"You won't even let me watch him?" Sirius asked, trying to suppress a grin as he leaned over the back of the couch to get a better look at Ciaran.

"No." Her eyes narrowed to pale blue slits. "Why would anyone trust you with their child?"

"I would." James said, ignoring the look Lily gave him.

"And that's your loyalty talking." Gen huffed. "I wouldn't trust him with just about anything."

Sirius seemed to not be bothered by Gen's comments. Instead, he reached over Lily and asked, "Can I hold him?"

Lily looked at Gen before carefully handing Ciaran to him. Gen opened her mouth to argue, but James placed his hand on her arm and shook his head.

While Gen and James glared at each other, Sirius was smiling faintly at Ciaran, who was staring at him with sleepy interest.

"Do you want a nap, hmm?" Sirius asked. He grinned as Ciaran began to yawn. "Hey, Gen, someone wants a nap."

"Give him here." Gen began, getting to her feet. She gingerly took Ciaran from Sirius and carried him out of the living room and down the hall.

And James was very glad Ciaran offered such a great distraction for Gen. "I still say we can't let her do this on her own." he began softly.

"Me either. James, she can't handle him by herself." Lily sighed sadly. "She needs Remus. Or our help."

"Yeah, but Gen's stubborn." Sirius muttered. He sat down on the couch and added, "And she pretty much said she didn't want my help. But you're right."

"Maybe we can talk to Dumbledore?" Lily asked.

James and Sirius both began to shake their heads. "Gen's livid when it comes to him right now. I think she would be more willing to accept my help than his."

James and Lily exchanged looks before Lily got up and headed down the hall as well. She gently pushed open the door to Ciaran's room and peeked inside.

Gen was holding Ciaran and rocking him lightly. Ciaran was still awake, watching his mother.

"Can I try?" Lily asked, crossing the room and pushing the door shut behind her. "If you don't mind." she added hurriedly.

Gen said nothing. She got to her feet and handed Ciaran to Lily, who sank down in the rocking chair. Ciaran, it seemed, was happy to see her again. He cooed happily for a moment or two, but soon Lily had him fast asleep.

"Oh, you can get him to sleep." Gen muttered, leaning against the wall, her arms folded over her chest. "He won't sleep for me unless he's nursing as well."

"I don't know how I did it," Lily admitted, carrying him to the crib and placing Ciaran in it, "but he is fast asleep. I think you can get a nap in as well."

Gen watched as Lily pulled the blanket around Ciaran. "You lot are that determined to help me." It was not a question.

Lily glanced up, a bit surprised. "Well, of course we are. You can't go through this all by yourself."

"Tell Remus and Dumbledore that." Gen spat. She then sighed faintly and bit her lip. She had felt like crying for several days now, and did not want Lily, or James and Sirius for that matter, seeing her cry.

"Fine," she said, "you guys can help. But only if I really ask for it."

"No, we'll help whether or not you do ask for it." Lily said, giving Gen a swift hug. "You need some time to yourself. And we can give that to you. Can I watch him tomorrow?"

Gen nodded slowly. "Sure. Just don't start fighting over who gets to watch him and when."

Lily began to laugh. "Tell James and Sirius that."


	2. Chapter 2

Renunciation

Chapter 2

Lily showed up at Gen's bright and early. And, Ciaran, at least, was wide awake and pretty happy to see her.

"Hey, sweetie," she began, taking Ciaran from Gen, "giving Mummy trouble already?"

"No, he just ate, and he's been up awhile." Gen suppressed a yawn. "Which reminds me. If he gets hungry, bring him home."

Lily, it seemed, was not listening to her as she cooed softly Ciaran, who seemed to be very talkative.

Gen put her hands on her hips but could not bring herself to snap at Lily. After all, it was a rather cute sight.

"You'd take him if you had the chance to, wouldn't you?" she asked Lily, who finally took her gaze from Ciaran.

"Of course I would, and so would James." Lily giggled. "Ciaran's just a doll, and he's really rather sweet. Who wouldn't want to take the little guy?"

"Yeah, he's sweet now," Gen started, "but last night he wasn't."

"Is Mummy telling fibs on you?" Lily cooed.

Gen rolled her eyes and sighed. "Listen, Lily, I don't want Sirius taking Ciaran alone. James had best be with him if Sirius is watching him. And I don't want the little guy near Dumbledore, either."

"Oh, Gen, Dumbledore's harmless! A bit... off, but harmless!"

Gen silenced her with a look. "I want my son away from Dumbledore. I don't care if he visits you lot, I do not want Ciaran near him."

"Why?" Lily demanded. "Do you think he'll take Ciaran away from you, or something?"

Gen continued to glare, but she headed back to Ciaran's room, saying, "I don't think you'll need much for him. He's eaten, I've changed him, and he shouldn't be tired. But take another onesie just in case."

"Mummy's fretting already." Lily giggled to Ciaran as she carried him into his room. She sat him down in the crib and handed Gen a small tote bag. The two of them packed it with diapers and another onesie, some socks, and a pacifier.

"You think he'll need anything else?" Gen asked. "I've never had him away from me. I don't think he'll need much for a couple hours, though. Like I said, if he gets hungry -- "

"I'll bring him back. Or James will try to wean him to a bottle." Lily smiled.

"I doubt James WILL want to bring him back." Gen sighed. "I guess if you need anything else, come back. Oh," she crossed the room and took both Ciaran and his blanket from the crib, "his blankie. In case he does decide to nap."

Lily smiled softly and asked, "So, now is that everything?"

"Shoudl be." Gen sighed. She bent down and brushed a light kiss to Ciaran's forehead. "Remember what I said, Lily. I'm trusting you with him."

"I know." Lily smiled. "He'll be fine."

But the minute he was out of the house, Ciaran began to whimper. "Oh, no, it's OK!" Lily began. "It's fine! We'll go see James and Sirius and you'll be OK!"

'I hope.' she thought.

He seemed to calm down once she got him to the house she shared with James. Ciaran cooed and reached for James, who happily took him.

"Gen didn't keep you as long as I thought she would." James said, leading Lily into the living room. "Not that many rules?"

"Just no bottle feeding him, no taking him near Dumbledore, and Sirius isn't allowed to have him on his own."

"That last one's a given. But Sirius will be upset either way, won't he?"

Lily nodded as she sat down on the couch next to James. Ciaran was still being talkative and seemed to adore James, and the attention he paid him.

And he was very interested in James's glasses.

After a little while, Ciaran was starting to grow bored with James.

But, luckily, Sirius chose that time to pop by. Ciaran looked at James, then to Sirius. Then he reached over and started to whimper to get Sirius's attention.

"I don't think -- " Lily began, but James had already handed Ciaran to Sirius.

"Ah, he likes me. Unlike Mummy." Sirius smiled.

"Speaking of, Mummy says you aren't allowed to have Ciaran by yourself." Lily said, folding her arms over her chest.

"Why not?" Sirius demanded. "The little guy loves me. And I couldn't hurt him."

"Ask her." Lily shrugged. "She wouldn't tell me why, though I'm pretty sure it has to do with the fact that you aren't really her favorite person."

"Yeah, that might be it." Sirius said, sounding a little bit on the sarcastic side.

He glanced down at Ciaran, who looked as though he were close to tears again. Before Sirius could speak, Ciaran began to wail, loudly.

He did not need a changing and they could not get him to sleep. Which meant it was time to take him back to Mummy.

Who seemed to be glad to see him. And she took no notice of Sirius being the one to hold him.

"Come here, sweetie. I bet you are hungry."

She did not tell them to leave, so James decided to make himself at home. He and Sirius flopped down on the couch, and, at the same time, they spotted a pile of shredded parchment and could barely recognize Remus's handwriting due to how well Gen had shredded it.


	3. Chapter 3

Renunciation

Chapter 3

Gen did not take long to feed Ciaran. She came padding back into the living room, not too surprised to still see them there.

She said nothing to James and Sirius. Instead, she turned to Lily and asked, "I need to go to Diagon Alley for a moment. Would you like to go with me, or watch him?"

"Gen, what's with this?" James asked her, holding up a handful of shredded parchment. Gen ignored him.

"I think you need to answer James first." Lily said, taking Ciaran from Gen. Ciaran cooed happily and leaned against Lily's chest.

"Nothing." Gen sighed. "Nothing is with that, OK? It's just... parchment."

"Parchment," Sirius said, plucking a piece from James's hand, "with Moony's handwriting on it. What did it say?"

"Nothing." Gen muttered. She glanced at Lily, who was holding a happy Ciaran. "I'll, um, go run that errand I need to do. You watch him."

"You stay here." James said, getting to his feet. "And tell me why you tore up that letter."

Gen crossed her arms over her chest and huffed. "It was my letter. And I had right to tear it up. All it was was a bunch of lies anyway. Nothing important. Anything important goes straight to Dumbledore."

"That's not the point." James told her. "The point is, he found the time to send you a letter and you don't even appreciate it."

Gen opened her mouth to reply, but she shut it and looked away. She paid no mind to Ciaran, who was fussing with Lily now, trying to reach his mother.

"I have to go." she said. "This can't wait. I'll be right back."

Before they could say anything else, she Disapparated.

"Well, then," James said, a bit shocked, "not something I expected out of her."

"You think we could repair the letter?" Lily asked, trying to calm a whimpering Ciaran.

James shrugged. He did not know that it would work, but it would be worth a shot. Lily left the room, carrying a fussy Ciaran, as James and Sirius scrambled to try to find each piece of parchment.

"Come here, Fussy. Let's see if we can get you to calm down, hmm?"

She carried him to his room and sat down in the rocking chair, which she gently started to rock. Ciaran continued to fuss, but he did not squirm as much.

After a few moments, James soon joined them. "Didn't work." he told her, kneeling down next to the chair. "She shredded it pretty good. I doubt anything could fix that."

"But why would she do it?" Lily asked. "She loves Remus and, even though this hurt her, she has been pretty... calm. Why change and tear up his letter?"

"I guess he said something that upset her." James muttered. He reached over and brushed Ciaran's sandy hair out of his face and smiled.

"He's adorable." he muttered, more to himself than Lily. "It's a shame Mummy wants to keep him to herself."

"She's letting up on that." Lily pointed out. She then sighed and said, "James, I... don't know that I can blame her, wanting to keep him to herself. What if something happens to Remus?"

"It's not like she'll be alone. She's got us." James answered. 

"But it's not the same, James. Ciaran is really all she has right now. If you get what I'm saying. I mean... she has us, she does, but Ciaran is all she has of Remus and she could really use Remus here right now."

"I know." James sighed. He got to his feet and glanced at Ciaran and grinned. He had fallen asleep.

"I'll stay with him, if you and Sirius want to leave."

"Actually, I wanted to stay and talk to Gwen about that letter." James muttered. "Sirius is trying to piece it together, but I don't know that there's anything that he can do about it."

He shook his head and headed out of the room. Lily waited a minute or so before getting to her feet and gingerly placing Ciaran in the crib. He snuggled to close to the pillow and sighed softly.

Remembering the bag, Lily headed out of the room and hurried to the living room to get Ciaran's blanket from the bag.

As she returned from tucking it around Ciaran and making sure he would be fine, she heard the front door open and Gen step inside.

"I told you it wouldn't take long." Gen muttered. She did not sound pleased, but she did not sound upset either. And Lily could tell she had not been drinking.

So she wasn't too worried.

The two of them joined James and Sirius. James was still very determined to find out why Gen had ripped up the letter. And she did not want to say.

"Gwendolyn, what did Moony do? Or say?" James asked. If she did not answer now, he wasn't going to force her to. Then.

Gen crossed her arms as she sat down on the couch, and crossed her legs as well. "Why do you even care, James? It was between us. Not you. Not Sirius. Not Lily."

James decided to drop it. If he forced her to talk, she might change her mind about letting them watch Ciaran. And she needed someone to help her with him.


	4. Chapter 4

Renunciation

Chapter 4

Gen lay stretched out on the couch, her head resting on her arms. It was nice to have some peace and quiet. But she would never, ever admit to that.

She sighed softly and vaguely wished for a nap. Ciaran was with James, she could trust him. But she wasn't sure when he'd bring him back. Or if he'd bring him back.

Just as she was about to doze off, there was a tapping at the window. "Not again." she groaned, getting to her feet. She was just getting over Remus's last letter.

But it wasn't from Remus. Instead, it was from Dumbledore. Not even bothering to read it, she tossed it onto the table and started to fix herself a cup of tea.

"I hate tea." she muttered to herself, sitting down at the table. "But if I get drunk, it'll get back to Remus and he'll come back long enough to turn me into a beetle or something."

'Like he cares.' she added silently.

"Come on, let's go find Mummy."

The sound of James talking to Ciaran snapped Gen out of her thoughts. "In here, James." she called, placing her full cup in the sink.

"Was he a sweetie?" she asked as James joined her in the kitchen. She made to take Ciaran from James, but Ciaran did not want to leave James.

"Of course." James smiled. "And I think he wants to stay with me. If that's OK with Mummy?"

Gen could not help but crack a smile. "Just don't get my baby in trouble, James."

James smiled back. "We'll be back soon, Mummy. Why don't you get a nap?"

"I should..."

"Go on." James said softly. He waited until she headed back to her bedroom before leaving with Ciaran. "I think Mummy deserves a nap, what do you think?" he asked Ciaran as soon as they were out the door.

Ciaran cooed softly.

"Then it's agreed. You and I will go to Hogsmeade and Mummy will nap."

He carried Ciaran to the nearby alley, where he quickly Disapparated before anyone saw him. Ciaran began to whimper, but stopped as soon as he saw Hogsmeade.

James carried him to The Three Broomsticks. He wondered what Ciaran would think of butterbeer. Or if Gen would approve.

"One sip won't hurt you." James told Ciaran, who cocked his head and watched James with interest.

"Oh?" James asked Ciaran. "Am I interesting?"

Ciaran cooed and giggled as James carried him into the pub. Where the two of them ran into Sirius.

"What are you doing with him in here?" Sirius demanded, now completely ignoring a dark-haired girl beside the bar, who he seemed to have been in conversation with before catching sight of James with Ciaran.

"Mummy needs a nap, so I've got him."

"And I thought I was untrustworthy." Sirius muttered. "Come here, Ciaran." He held out his hands to Ciaran, who immediately reached for him.

"Hmm, someone likes me." Sirius chuckled.

"He likes me more." James argued.

Sirius stuck out his tongue at James and the the two of them, Sirius holding tightly to Ciaran, headed to a nearby table. Ciaran contented himself to sucking on Sirius's fingers while the two men talked.

"How's Gen?" Sirius asked softly.

"She seemed tired." James muttered. "So I offered to watch Ciaran a bit longer and told her to nap. She went to their bedroom, but I don't know if she laid down or not."

"She needs to." Sirius glanced down at Ciaran, who had started to drool a bit on the table. He shook his head, suppressing a smile. "I don't understand why she doesn't want me around him. He seems to like me."

"That he does." James said. "But then, he likes just about everyone, doesn't he?"

Sirius nodded. "That he does. I suppose he gets that from his dad. Just like nearly everything else." To Ciaran, he added, "You'd suck on my finger all day if i let you, wouldn't you? You think he's teething?"

"I think he's a bit young to teeth," James said softly, "but I might be wrong on that. We'll have to check with Gen."

Ciaran was now bored with sucking on Sirius's fingers. He looked up at Sirius and cooed before trying to wriggle out of his grasp.

But Sirius held fast. "What do you think he wants?" he asked James, who shrugged.

"Maybe Mummy." It was all James could think of.

"Let's get him home, then. I would have liked to show him more of Hogsmeade, but we can do that later."

James nodded in agreement as the two of them got to their feet and left the pub, Disapparating nearly immediately.

When they arrived back at the house, Gen was up and in the living room, thumbing through that morning's paper. She folded it and glanced at Sirius, scowling. But she smiled as she took her son from him.

"Hey, sweetie, you wanted Mummy?"

"Gwen, is he old enough to be teething?" James asked.

"No." Gen shook her head. "Thanks for watching him, James. I'll keep him tomorrow, if you lot don't mind."

No, they didn't mind. But they weren't sure why she would want to have Ciaran all day while they were ready and willing to watch him.


	5. Chapter 5

Renunciation

Chapter 5

The pile of letters on the table soon started to grow. Whenever Gen would receive one, she would just throw it with the others.

And whenever she'd finally settle down to start reading them, Ciaran would whine and cry, in need of nursing, or a change, or just cranky.

She sank down on the couch one evening after getting Ciaran to bed and finding herself unable to sleep. She sighed softly and leaned back against the couch, trying to will herself to sleep.

But she was not able to.

Instead, she heard a loud pounding at the door. At first she felt happy to ignore it. Then she dragged herself to her feet and answered the door.

"James, you don't have to knock. You can let yourself in." she said softly.

"I know." he smiled. "I just figured you were, ah, getting someone fed."

"He's asleep." Gen said. She gave him a small smile before gesturing the couch. "Anything on your mind, or is this just a random visit?"

"Lily wanted me to check on you." His gaze fell on the stack of letters on the table. "From Remus?"

"And Dumbledore."

"And no time to read them?"

Gen shook her head. "No. Whenever I do, Ciaran needs me. I guess I won't ever get around to them."

"Then read them now." James told her. "No?" he asked as she shook her head.

"I'm so tired, James."

"Then can I read them?" Gen waved his her dismissively, so he reached for the stack of letters and started to thumb through them, trying to get to the oldest. "Where are the first ones?"

"Either burned or ripped." she sighed.

James raised an eyebrow. "Not happy with this, are you?"

She shook her head. "No, not at all. And I'm so sick of Dumbledore and Remus saying he'll be back soon. 'Soon' must mean when my son's an adult or something."

"Nonsense."

Gen rolled her eyes and watched as James thumbed through the letters. Several of which did indeed say Remus should be back soon. But the newest ones gave a hint that 'soon' might not be so soon.

James did not say anything else until he sat down the last letter. "Gen," he began softly, "Remus is doing all he can to help us."

"Help Dumbledore." she corrected.

"Well, yes, but in a way, helping all of us as well. Would you rather Ciaran grow up with Voldemort running everything and werewolves running amock?"

She shook her head. "But stopping Voldemort isn't going to put a stop to the werewolves. Despite whatever Voldemort is promising them, they run themselves. If he goes down, they won't go with him. They'll make sure they'll get out of it unscathed."

James had to admit she had a point. But he wasn't going to give up just yet.

"And what about you? Which would you rather have?"

"Either way, I'm pretty much done for."

James groaned. She was tired, that was obvious, but she was also being very stubborn.

"Come on... the idea of getting rid of Voldemort and maybe keeping better tabs on the werewolves doesn't make you feel better at all?"

She shook her head. "No, James, no it doesn't."

"And what about marrying Remus when he gets back?"

"Not interested."

James stared at her as she got to her feet and headed into the kitchen. He heard her banging around and slamming cabinets before she came back with a cup of hot chocolate.

"Gen, I know you're mad -- "

She cut him off with a glare. "'Mad' doesn't cover it, Potter. Why are you so determined?"

James shrugged. He wanted Gen and Remus happy, and that apparently wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

But when he opened his mouth to tell her, there was a loud cry from Ciaran's room. Gen sighed, set her cup down and got to her feet.

"Good night, James." she said sternly before heading to Ciaran's room.

James took that to mean that she wanted their conversation over with then and there. And he didn't. But he left anyway, determined to talk to her in the morning.


	6. Chapter 6

Renunciation

Chapter 6

Gen, James, and Sirius were seated on the couch as Lily, who had dragged the rocking chair in the living room, rocked Ciaran. Ciaran had just woke up from a nap and was cooing to Lily, who kept nodding and smiling.

"I have no idea what he's saying." she said with a smile as she looked up at the other three.

"He can babble." Gen smiled.

To James, it seemed as though she was in a far better mood than she was the night before. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. She seemed happy. She was leaning against the armrest and was watching Lily play with Ciaran.

"Watch him." she added. "He's taken to hair-pulling. Wonder where he got that from?" she asked, shooting a glare in Sirius's direction.

Sirius pretended not to notice.

"Let me hold him?" he asked.

Gen made a small noise of distaste, but she did not object outright when Lily handed Ciaran to Sirius. She watched Ciaran lean back and look at Sirius before blowing a large spit bubble.

"He loves you." she said. "Drooling and spit bubbles are his way of showing that."

"Oh?" Sirius smiled and pulled Ciaran a bit closer. Ciaran sighed and started to reach his fingers up, trying to get Sirius's hair, or at least touch his face. Instead, he just got a handful of robe.

"Ble." he said, sticking his tongue in and out of his mouth for a bit, getting drool on himself and Sirius. But neither complained.

"Oh, someone's messy." Sirius grinned.

"He'll fit in just fine with you." Gen said with a smirk.

"More like Peter."

"No, I think, no matter what, that's a definite no. You will be cleared to watch him alone before I let him be with Peter. He'd either neglect him or panic."

"I'd say both." James grinned. "He'd neglect Ciaran to the point of Ciaran crying, then he'd have a fit, no idea what to do, and poor Ciaran!"

Sirius and James started to laugh. Gen was not amused. She and Lily exchanged looks, with Lily nodding sadly.

Ciaran began to wriggle in Sirius's grip, then leaned back and stared at him again. This time, however, he let out a sneeze, which caused Sirius to wrinkle his nose.

"I don't mind bogies, come here." James took Ciaran from Sirius before he could even say anything. "How long have we been sneezing, hmm?"

"He started this morning." Gen answered. She leaned against James, the better to see Ciaran. Reaching up, she brushed his sandy hair out of his face to check to see if he had a fever.

"He's not warm." she murmured. "I hope it's nothing terrible."

"Hopefully not." James agreed. He shifted Ciaran so that he was sitting on his legs and added, "Maybe he's just allergic to Sirius."

"Can't be. It's probably you." Sirius spat, crossing his arms over his chest and pretending to act offended by what James had just said.

"Maybe he's allergic to gits." Gen said. "There. Now shush."

Sirius and James started to pout. At the same time, they both muttered "I am NOT a git!"

Lily and Gen both cracked a smile as Ciaran began to squeal and giggle.

"What's that about, sweetie?" Gen asked, reaching over and taking her son from James. "Hmm? Why are you so cheerful?"

"A-boo!" Ciaran said, his mouth curving into a frown as he reached for James again. He whimpered and whined and reached for James.

Finally, James took him.

"Aww..." James murmured as Ciaran curled up next to him. He laid there, his head against James's chest, watching his mother. When she reached over to help James adjust him, he took her finger in his hand.

"Someone loves you, Mummy." Lily giggled.

"I suppose someone has to." Gen said with a small smile. "Little sweetheart, isn't he?"

"Sure is." James agreed.

"And he doesn't get it from you." Sirius added with a grin.

Gen rolled her eyes at him and shook her head. "No, we all know where he gets being so sweet from. And I don't see where anyone can argue about that."

"No." James and Lily agreed together. Sirius nodded in agreement as well.

Together, the four adults glanced up as someone knocked on the door. Ciaran did not seem to care.

Gen sighed softly, wriggled her finger out of her son's grasp, and got up. When she opened the front door, she let out a small gasp. "Remus?"


	7. Chapter 7

Renunciation

Chapter 7

"How long have you been back?" James asked as he got to his feet along with Sirius and Lily. He smiled softly and handed Ciaran to Remus who cooed happily and smiled toothlessly at his father.

"I just got back." Remus said with a tiny smile. "And I'm glad to be back, honestly."

Still carrying Ciaran, he made his way to the couch and sat down. He was silent for a moment, hoping that Gen would join him, but she was still lurking by the door, her expression unreadable.

"That bad?" Lily asked.

"Terrible." Remus sighed.

As he launched into what had happened to him, seemingly leaving out bits and pieces, probably forbidden by Dumbledore, Gen leaned against the watched him.

She wasn't too sure she was glad to have him back. Yes, she missed him, yes she loved him, but she felt annoyed and did not wish to hear what had happened between him and the werewolves.

And she wasn't too happy with the sight of Ciaran clinging to him and his nonstop cooing as his father spoke.

'Why is he so happy to have him back?' she thought. 'He left us!'

She wiped away a bitter tear and padded past them into the kitchen. Ciaran saw her past and reached up for her, but she did not see him.

Ciaran whimpered and tried to get his mother's attention but she would not pay him any. Or she did not hear him.

"Come here." Remus said softly to Ciaran. He glanced at James, then got to his feet and carried Ciaran into the kitchen. "Someone wants you, Mummy."

"Someone has Daddy." she said hotly. "He doesn't need me."

"Oh, don't be that way, Gwennie." James said as he joined them in the kitchen. "We're going to go, give you two some alone time."

"Like I want that." Gen said under her breath as she headed with James, Lily, and Sirius to the door. None of them seemed to understand her feelings, so why share them?

Lily seemed relieved that Remus was back. She gave Gen a small smile and said, "Don't be too harsh, Gen. He just got back and you should be happy."

Gen said nothing more than a good night before shutting the door behind them. She leaned against the door and crossed her arms over her chest, staring at the floor.

"I take it you aren't too thrilled to see me?"

She glanced up at Remus as he joined her, holding Ciaran, who had stuck his thumb in his mouth, watching his mother. Again he reached out for her and she ignored him.

"No." Gen said finally. "I'm not."

"I see..." Remus said slowly. "Is there... anything I can do to make you feel better?"

"No." Gen said. "There's not."

"Oh." Remus was quiet for a little bit. Then, he cleared his throat and said, "Well, Dumbledore said I shouldn't have to go back. If that's any comfort, Gwendolyn."

"It's not."

Remus sighed softly, shifting Ciaran to hold him better. "I would have thought you'd be happy to have me back." he said, trying not to sound as though he wanted to start a fight with her. He was just wondering why she was not happy with him being back.

And saying something wrong was bound to anger her.

"Well I'm not. I wasn't happy to let you go in the first place." Gen said, looking anywhere but at him and their son.

"And you aren't happy to have me back?" Remus asked. "Not even the thought of getting married?"

She shook her head. "No, not even with that."

"And it's something you've wanted for ages." He sighed once more. Ciaran began to whimper and reach for his mother yet again. "Gwendolyn, take him."

He sounded weary. Gen took Ciaran from him and watched Remus head over to the couch and sink down on it. She did not feel the slightest bit of remorse.

She glanced down at Ciaran, who was looking at her between attempts to get her to realize he was hungry.

"Come on." she murmured. "Let's get you fed."

She did not glance up, nor did she acknowledge Remus getting to his feet and following her down the hall. He did not go into Ciaran's bedroom with her, but leaned against the walls in the hall.

He heard her murmuring softly to Ciaran. "At least you seem to care, hmm, pumpkin?" she asked him. "Oh, you're going to be a sweetheart when you grow up." He heard her sigh. "I hope."

Quietly, he crept down the hall to their bedroom. He wasn't too sure she'd join him that night, but he was exhausted and wanted to sleep. He'd try to make her feel better in the morning.


	8. Chapter 8

Renunciation

Chapter 8

Gen was in the process of bundling Ciaran up against the chilly wind. She was planning on taking him to Diagon Alley with her, with no plans to leave him with Remus.

But he had plans to go with them. He wanted so badly to cheer her up. And that just didn't seem like it was going to happen.

She had barely said two words to him at breakfast. How could he bear a trip to Diagon Alley with a Gen who was not too thrilled he was back?

"There." she said with a giggle as she plopped a hood over his head to protect his ears. "You should be fine."

He cooed at her and she could not help but smile.

She glanced around the room for her brush but could not find it. She did not want to sit Ciaran down, lest he crawl out of the clothes he was bundled in.

"I'll take him."

Gen glanced behind her shoulder, looking far more wary than she ever had of Sirius taking her son. "Fine." she said softly, handing Ciaran to his father.

Without another word to him, she headed down the hall and to their room, where she sat down on the edge of the bed and summoned her brush to her. Oblivious to Ciaran and Remus talking, Remus doing most of it, she began to brush her hair.

"I wish you could help me, Ciaran." Remus murmured to his son, carrying to the rocking chair in the corner of the room. "And tell me what's bothering Mummy."

Ciaran cocked his head before saying "Agooba!"

Remus smiled softly. "Really now?"

Ciaran continued to coo, and Remus to smile. And unnoticed by either of them, Gen leaned against the door frame, watching them.

She caught herself smiling and shook her head. 'No.' she told herself. 'No, Gwendolyn. Don't fall into it.'

"Well," she began, announcing her presence, "I'm going to take him to Diagon Alley for a bit."

"Let me go with you." Remus said quickly, getting to his feet. "Please?"

"I suppose." she sighed sadly. "Since you're so determined."

Remus shifted Ciaran to his other arm and made sure that his wand was safely tucked into his belt. He glanced at Gen, sure she had her own wand on her, as well. He was not sure what kind of look she was giving him, but he was sure it wasn't a good kind.

"Gwendolyn..."

She ignored him and headed out the door, waiting for the two of them to join her.

"What did you plan on doing?" Remus asked, sure she would ignore that as well.

"Getting out of the house, mainly." she said airily. "Browsing. That kind of thing."

He was silent once more. Her mood had him confused and hurt. Usually, she was her bi-polar self. Now, it seemed as though she hated him.

And he was not sure why. She HAD let him go. And he said he'd come back. And he did.

So what was going through her mind?

She seemed content outside, though. Maybe she would warm up to him.

But he wasn't going to get his hopes up.

They were silent as they browsed shops, Gen making notes to herself as to what she'd like to come back and buy.

Finally, they wound up at Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour, sipping floats. Ciaran was settled on his mother's lap, making attempts to get to her float. She would take a little bit of ice cream on her finger and stick it in his mouth whenever she thought Remus wasn't looking.

"Gwendolyn, stop feeding him." Remus said with a smile.

"Why?" she demanded. "He likes it, and I'm not giving him too much."

Remus sighed so softly she could not hear him. "Why are you being so distant and snippy?"

"I'm not." she snapped. "You're the one who distanced himself!"

"Don't." Remus began softly. "Don't do this. Let's... go somewhere else, go back home."

"No!" she hissed. "No, let's do this! How dare you, Remus? You expected everything to be fine and dandy when you came back? For me to be ready to marry you? Is that it?"

"No... I didn't. I was just hoping you would be happy to see me. I was more than happy to come back."

"And you're going to be more than happy to jump at the chance again if Dumbledore offers it?" Gen demanded.

"No, no, I won't. I -- "

"No, you won't." Gen repeated, disbelieving. "Don't lie to me. Dumbledore asks and you jump at the chance."

"Gwendolyn -- "

"I don't want to hear anything." Gen said, her voice breaking. "Just... don't come back, OK? Go on and do whatever. I don't care."

Without another word, she clung to Ciaran and Disapparated.


	9. Chapter 9

Renunciation

Chapter 9

Gen sat on the couch, having put Ciaran don for a nap. Why had she snapped at Remus? Sure she was mad, but he did not deserve that.

Or had he? So far, she felt he had done nothing to make her feel better. Most of his time was spent with their son.

With a small sigh, she leaned against the couch, staring at the ceiling. So far, he had listened to her and not bothered to show up. Part of her was glad. The other part? Confused.

'He says he loves me.' she thought. 'So... why not come by? Why not try to talk to me?'

She felt she would never figure him out. And right then, she was not tempted to even try.

Hanging her head, she tangled her fingers in her hair. She felt miserable. All this time, she had wanted Remus back. And she kicked him out. And he actually listened to her. For once.

"He chooses now to listen." she muttered. With a teeny frown, she got up and headed in Ciaran's room to check on him.

Ciaran was still sound asleep. Gen managed a soft smile before reaching down and pulling the blankets a little tighter around her son. It did feel a bit nippy in the room.

"Is he asleep?"

Gen jumped before turning to the door. "James! What do you want? I don't need anyone watching him."

"That's not what I wanted to ask." James crossed the room and peered into the crib. "How long has he been asleep?"

"A little while." Gen muttered. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and glanced at him. "It's about Remus, isn't that? Is that what you want to talk about?"

"Sure is." James threw his arm over her shoulders and led her back to the living room. "I wouldn't have barged in like this," he added, "but I'm quite curious. What's going on?"

Gen was silent for a minute or so before asking, "Why do you care? It's none of your business. And at any rate, this doesn't concern you."

"Yes, it does."

Gen frowned. "No, this is between me and Remus. Not you, not anybody else."

"Gwen, do you have any idea how miserable he's felt lately? How embarrassed?"

Gen scoffed. "Who are you to lecture me?" she demanded. "And embarrassment! You want to talk about that, do you?"

James glared at her. "You're not getting mad at me, Gwendolyn. And besides, I just want you to talk to him. Let him know you still care."

"Like I do." Her arms crossed over her chest, she flopped down on the couch.

"Of course you do." James smiled. "You wouldn't be getting mad and defensive if you didn't."

Gen wanted to argue that that made no sense to her, but she did not. Instead, she remained quiet.

"I'm not just going to go away, you know." James added. He then smiled. "So? What will it be? I can watch Ciaran for you while you go talk to Remus. I know it annoys you that Remus pays Ciaran more attention than he does you."

Gen let out a small noise, trying not to smile. "That it does."

"Then tell him that, too."

Gen glanced up at James and shook her head. "You have this planned, don't you? Every single step you want me to take. Listen, go on and tell Remus this: If he wants to talk to me so damn badly, then he can come here. If it's not important, then don't bother."

James stared. "Wow." he whispered. "You're pretty upset with all this, aren't you?"

"If it's obvious to you..." Gen trailed off with a sigh. "Sorry." she muttered. She took her hair in her hand again and began to run her fingers through it absently.

"Why does he want me?" she asked finally.

James smiled and sat down next to her. "Well, he wants to know that you're OK. He knows you're upset and he hates seeing that. So go talk to him? For me?" he asked, trying to pull a sweet puppy-dog pout and failing.

Gen laughed and pushed him away. "No." she giggled. "No, I mean it. If he wants to talk, send him here. If not, then I guess we're done."

James sighed. He did not feel like delivering that message. He knew already what Remus's reaction would be.

And he wanted the two of them to work. He had one more trick up his sleeve. And he had to play it.

"What about Ciaran?" he asked her.

"What about him?" she demanded, glaring at him. "You had best not -- "

"You're going to keep him from his father?"

Gen scoffed. "I wouldn't. But if his father wants nothing to do with him, or me, then there's no point, now is there?"

James wanted to argue further, but the sound of Ciaran's cries made both of them look up. They got to their feet and headed down the hall, with James getting to Ciaran first.

"Aww, what's wrong?" James cooed, picking him up. "Bad dream?"

Ciaran whimpered and reached for Gen. "I've got you." she murmured. "He's fine, James." she added. "It probably was a nightmare. He'll be OK."

James looked a bit reluctant. "Can I take him to see Remus?"

"No." Gen answered darkly. "No. He's not going to see Remus unless Remus bothers to come by here."

James sighed again. It looked as though he were done there. For the time being.


	10. Chapter 10

Renunciation

Chapter 10

"So, she doesn't want me over there, then she says that if I want to talk, I need to go over there?" Remus asked, watching James, confused. "And I can't see my son?"

"That's what she says." James sighed. "I don't understand her."

"I do." Remus said softly. "She's mad at me, and kind of feels like I abandoned her. And she doesn't want me to see our son because... she probably feels I don't want anything to do with him. Or I'll just up and leave again."

"Makes better sense than what I was thinking."

Remus sighed softly and shut his eyes, leaning back against the couch. "What did I do wrong, James?"

"Nothing." James said. "Well, nothing I see. She agreed to let you go, on the grounds that you'd come back and you'd marry her."

"But now it's like she thinks she had no say in anything."

"Right." Remus let out a tiny groan. He wondered if he should try to go see her, try to talk some sense into her. He wasn't sure it would do much good, though.

"I want to see my son." he said softly. He didn't think James had heard him, but he did.

"I tried to get her to let me bring him here," James began, h is tone soft and careful, "but she refused."

"Can you blame her?" Remus asked, his voice cracking.

James stared at Remus in shock. "It's not your fault." he said sharply. "You did nothing wrong. If you want, I'll go with you and we can talk to her."

Remus waved his hand dismissively. "No, it will do no good."

"But -- "

Remus shook his head and got to his feet. He wanted to go for a walk, but decided that, instead, he needed to eat something. He headed over to the chair he had thrown his cloak over and rummaged through the pockets, finding enough to get himself a banana split.

"Where are you going?"

"I need something to eat." Remus sighed.

James said nothing. He merely got to his feet, grabbed his cloak, and raced outside after Remus.

A few minutes later, Remus's banana split sat in front of him, barely touched and melting quickly. He just could not bring himself to eat it.

James sat across from him, shaking his head. "Talk to her." he urged softly. "Tell her how you feel. It won't hurt anything."

"It will hurt her." Remus corrected. "And I don't want her anymore upset with me."

"You can't do that, from what I've seen." James told him. "She clung to Ciaran when I was over there. She's hurt and needs to hear what you have to say, no matter how much she's trying to tell herself that she does not."

Remus shook his head and jabbed at his ice cream. But James had spotted a familiar black head. "Be right back."

He got up and raced to Gen, who was showing Ciaran the creatures in the windows of the Magical Menagerie.

"Gwen," James said, stopping right in front of her, "listen, I know you aren't too happy right now, but believe me, Moony could use a little chat with you."

"Well I couldn't." Gen said coldly. She tried to pass James, but he would not budge. "Move!"

"Not until you agree to talk to him."

Gen was giving James a very stern glare. Ciaran, meanwhile, was happily trying to reach him. James caught sight of Ciaran and smiled.

"At least let me take him to see Remus."

"No."

Ciaran began to whimper, as though he had some idea what his mother and godfather were talking about. James smiled softly and took Ciaran from Gen to cuddle him, ignoring the fact that Gen drew her wand.

"I won't take him to Remus." James said. 'Even though they could stand to see each other.' he added silently.

"Give him back." Gen said. James could hear her voice breaking. "Please. I don't want him near Remus. I don't want Remus to hurt him."

"He would never -- "

"Leave him. Scar him emotionally. Whatever you want to call it. I cannot let that happen to my son."

James sighed softly and handed Ciaran to his mother. He was going to have to find out some way to let Ciaran see his father and to get Gen to talk to Remus, even if it killed him.


	11. Chapter 11

Renunciation

Chapter 11

James had demanded that Remus stay with him, and promised to help him work all this out. Remus was against it but he also wanted Gen happy. And she was not happy without him. But she did not seem to be happy with him either.

Remus was laying stretched out on the couch when James came in, carrying Ciaran.

"You got her to -- " he began, sitting up and reaching for his son.

"Actually," James began with a sheepish smile, "she doesn't know he's here."

"What?" Remus looked up at James, breaking his gaze from Ciaran. "James, why -- ?"

"You want to see him." James said. "And he misses you, obviously." James inclined his head to Ciaran, who was cooing and talking away to his father, his fingers clinging to his father's robes.

"He does." Remus admitted. "And I do. But James, Gen is not going to be too thrilled to have you bring him here."

"She'll get over it." James shrugged.

"But what... what if she thinks I did it? James, she'll get even angrier with me."

James continued to smile and shake his head. "Remus, she's hurt, she's not mad with you. And she knows I have him. Sort of?"

"Sort of?" Remus asked, getting to his feet. "Sort of?"

James shrugged again and said, "Well, she asked me to watch him while she went shopping. So, I figured I would bring him back here to see you, and get him back before she got back."

Remus shook his head, ignoring the small coos coming from Ciaran. "That was... why James? I would have found a way to see him, one that would not get her upset and worried about him. Take him back."

"YOU take him back." James smiled.

Remus stared at James in disbelief, then he smiled, despite his feelings then. "You had this planned. Right down to the littlest of details. Didn't you?"

"Maybe." James grinned, which basically answered Remus's question.

Remus sighed and grabbed his cloak, making sure Ciaran was nice and bundled up to keep the chill out and left the door, wondering why he didn't realize that James was up to something earlier.

But as he stood at the door of Gen's house ('Our house' he thought.) he was nervous. What was he going to do? To say to her? Was she even there?

Only one way to find out. He timidly raised his hand and knocked.

She answered nearly immediately and looked as though she was torn between feeling angry and upset. But she smiled at the sight of Ciaran and gingerly took him from Remus without a word.

She turned and headed to the living room, leaving the door open. Remus took a step inside and glanced at her. She said nothing, but nodded slightly.

He took a few steps into the living room and watched as she smiled at Ciaran. He cooed in return, but soon stopped to yawn.

"Oh," Gen smiled. "Someone's sleepy."

"He hasn't napped today?" Remus asked.

Gen looked up at him in surprise, then shook her head. "No, not at all. He hasn't been sleeping right either. He needs to."

"That he does." Remus took a few steps so that he was standing behind her and reached down, brushing his hand against Ciaran's cheek. Ciaran jumped in surprise, then reached for Remus. "Can I?" he asked.

"I – sure."

She did not look willing, but she handed Ciaran to him none-the-less. Ciaran was very content with his father holding him and snuggled against him, sighing.

"You still have the rocking chair?" Remus asked her

"Yes." she nodded.

The three of them were soon settled in Ciaran's small room, Remus gently rocking him to sleep and Gen sitting against the far wall, watching then silently.

She was surprised at how quickly Remus got to his feet to place Ciaran in the crib. "He's asleep?" she asked. "Already?"

Remus smiled and nodded. "He is." he murmured, pulling the blanket around Ciaran.

"Good." she said softly. She waited for him to leave the room, then followed, pulling the door to a near-close behind her. "Remus..." she began.

He stopped and watched her, wondering what she wanted.

"I... I'm sorry. Never mind, it's nothing. Please go."

He continued to stare at her. "Gwendolyn," he whispered softly, "I said I'd come back. And I did. And I said I would marry you. And I meant that."

"Please, I don't want that." she murmured. "Just go."

"But -- "

"Go." she said, this time forcefully. She gave him a gentle shove towards the door. "I can handle this myself." she whispered. "I don't need your false promises. Now go."


	12. Chapter 12

Renunciation

Chapter 12

Gen had down on her bed, Ciaran curled up on her stomach. He was cooing and being talkative, but she was not smiling as she normally did when he cooed to her. Or to anyone for that matter.

In fact, she seemed so close to tears that it was not funny.

She absently smoothed Ciaran's hair and sighed. "I love you," she murmured to her son, "you know that, hmm?"

He cooed and yawned and laid his head down on her stomach. She tried to muster a small smile but could not.

"I think we'll stay home today." she told him. "You know... it might be best. Especially if we run into your father or James or anyone."

Ciaran let out a sigh. Gen knew he did not really understand what she said, but it sure seemed that way.

"I'm sorry." she added softly, wincing slightly as she heard her voice break. "I know I shouldn't keep you two apart but..."

She trailed off. "No." she sighed, more to herself than to Ciaran. "No." she said again. "You two don't belong together."

Ciaran stared at her for a moment or two, then laid his head back down and snuggled closer to her.

"You're a mess, you know that?" Gen asked with a smile. "And you're going to wind up an even bigger mess if we stay in bed all day."

She got to her feet and carried him back to his room. She pulled some clothes for him out of his dresser and quickly dress him, rolling her eyes as he kicked away her hands when she tried to put a pair of pants and some socks on him.

"Stop it!" she giggled as she dropped a sock. "Why do you hate socks? I don't want you catching cold."

"Here."

Gen glanced at Remus, who was holding his hand out for the sock. "No." she told him. "No, I told you to leave."

"Gwen, I can't leave you two alone."

Gen scoffed loudly, causing Ciaran to look at her in confusion. "Don't lie, Remus."

"Gwen, it was so painful to leave the two of you. Now let me help you with him. I won't stay long, I just want to see the both of you."

Gen stared. "Why?" she demanded. "It's my house and I get can get busted for breaking and entering. Now leave."

Remus shook his head and gently nudged her to the side as he slipped Ciaran's sock on. Gen continued to stare and pout, but say nothing.

"Take him then." she said hotly as Remus picked Ciaran up to hold him.

"What?" Remus asked, turning to face her.

"Take him." she said, ending with a sniffle. "You want him... take him with you."

Remus looked at her, his mouth slightly open in astonishment. "I can't." he said finally. "I could not take him from you. Why do you want me to?"

"Because you want him." she said softly. "He's your son and I can't separate you two, can I?"

Remus pondered what the best answer to that would be. "Yes." he said finally. "Yes. He's your son, and if you find me... inappropriate, then you have every right."

Gen shook her head. "You're not inappropriate. You're... you're just... quite hurtful."

She crossed her arms over her chest and left the room, sniffling. Remus looked at Ciaran, who was holding tightly to him, then smiled softly at him and followed Gen into their room. Or her room.

"Gwen, what is it?" Remus asked her. "If you want me to leave, I will. But I don't want to let either of you go. Will you please talk to me?"

Gen opened her mouth , but quickly shut it and shook her head. "I don't want to talk." she said. "There's nothing to say that hasn't been said. Why must you drag this out? I don't... want to be with you anymore. Stop it, please."

Remus did not believe her. But he sighed and went to hand Ciaran to her. She shook her head.

"I'll take him to Hogsmeade." Remus said softly. "Give you some time to yourself. When I come back, will you talk?"

She said nothing. She merely waved her hand towards the door. Remus took that as his sign to leave.


	13. Chapter 13

Renunciation

Chapter 13

Remus walked Hogsmeade with Ciaran until Ciaran fell asleep. He then took Ciaran home to Gen, knowing he would have a better chance of getting through to her if Ciaran was asleep than if he was awake and trying to get her attention. Or his.

Gen had changed, both her clothes and her mood. She looked annoyed with Remus, but he shushed her and whispered, "He's asleep."

"I can see." she whispered, her tone a bit dark. "Put him in his bed."

"We're still talking." Remus whispered back before heading to Ciaran's room. He smiled softly as Ciaran grabbed his finger.

"No," he said, almost silently. He placed Ciaran in the crib, tucked the blankets around him, then sighed softly before heading back to Gen.

"What do you want?" she demanded of him. She was standing, her arms crossed over her chest. Her voice had shaken a little bit but she was standing her ground.

"You." Remus whispered. "I want you to marry me. I want Ciaran to have both of his parents."

"And I want this, too." she said softly. "But I don't."

"You don't?" Remus asked, raising an eyebrow. "Gwen, I thought this was all you could ever think about."

"It was." she whispered. "But I've stopped because I know that, no matter what you say, it's not going to happen. You don't want it. I won't push you into it."

"I do want it." he argued. "More than anything."

Gen shook her head. "If you did, you wouldn't have left me. Or Ciaran. We could have lost you. Then what, Remus? Where would I have been?"

"I'm sorry Gwendolyn, but it -- "

"Needed to be done." she finished. "Well what about things that needed to be done here? Or is it because I'm not Dumbledore?"

"Gwendolyn, stop it." Remus sighed softly and folded his arms over his chest. "It's something that had to be done. And I am fine. Why can't you get past that?"

"Because!" she shouted. She did not care that she woke Ciaran. "It's all your fault! You didn't speak to me about this! We didn't discuss it! You just agreed on your own and if you cared about me and our son as much as you claim, then you would have talked to me about this first!"

"I didn't have the time." Remus said wearily. "I don't want to talk about this now, either. Please just let it go. And tell me what I can do to make this up to you."

Gen shook her head, biting her lower lip. "You can't." she decided. "If you would just leave us alone -- "

"I can't."

The two of them stood in the living room, staring at each other. Gen seemed content to let Remus go. She seemed to have convinced herself that he did not care.

And he did not want to leave either of them.

She let her arms fall to her side and hung her head. "What can I do to get you to leave?" she asked.

"I'll leave now, but I'm not giving up."

"That's not what I want." she whispered, her eyes still downcast. "Please go away."

Remus frowned at her. She was definitely fighting with herself over this. It was so obvious she wanted him there. But she was pushing him away. It couldn't just be the fact that she was upset.

"Good night, Gwendolyn."

She glanced up just in time to see the hem of his cloak flutter out of sight as he left. Once he was gone, she breathed a small sigh of relief.

"Why can't he just stay away for good?" she asked herself as she flopped down on the couch. "I don't want him here."

"Well, no," she corrected herself. "I DO want him here. More than anything. But I don't want him hurting me again."

She leaned her head against the couch, tucking her legs up under her. Maybe if she could keep telling herself she did not want him around, she did not want him around her son, then maybe he would stay away.

Or maybe that wouldn't work. Maybe she'd just have to take Ciaran away.


End file.
